Things I Wish Mom Told Me Before I Turned 25 (Part 1)

Private Lessons:
1. Experience is indeed life’s greatest and most effective teacher.
2. First love is a lesson (or a lesion) you’ll never forget.
3. High school is to be endured. College is fun. Law school is over the top.
4. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.
5. During the early years of my life, I was always bent on being right, on playing by the rules.
As I grew older, the game changed.
The new goal was to commit as many mistakes as good sense would allow and learn from each of them.
6. As one grows older, it becomes easier to believe in superstition, serendipity and soul-mates.
Life has got to be more than a lump of random chances.
7. Revel in your rituals. Rituals are not meant to make robots out of you.
If you learn to accept them as part of your life, you will begin to find joy in those rituals.
8. When you fill your life with worthwhile activities, there’s less room to fret over what you don’t have.
9. You can have everything. You just can’t have it all at the same time.
10. Love for love’s sake.
11. Cook with love.
12. Be the master of your emotions.
Don’t deny what you feel (you don’t have to admit it to others, but don’t contradict yourself).
It’s ok to feel bad, what’s more important is what you do after.
13. If you hate someone for no reason, it could be that he reflects some of your own less meritorious qualities.
Take it as your cue to examine the person in the mirror.
14. It’s easier to change yourself (or the way you think), than to change other people.
15. Cool is knowing who you are. One who follows the crowd will get lost in it.
16. Don’t try to be someone else. Be the best version of yourself.
17. Self-discipline can be attained through combined will, focus, and a sense of purpose.
18. Set a goal and exceed it.
19. When I have a mountain to climb, I don’t keep my eyes on the summit the whole time, otherwise the thing is so overwhelming. I set goals for where I want to be at the end of each day.
20. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
21. Strive for excellence not perfection.
22. Never give up. The best is yet to come.
23. This too shall pass.
24. Find what feeds your hope.
25. Keep your options open. Don’t burn bridges.

Thing I Wish Mom Told Me Before I Turned 25 (Part 2)

Practical Tips:
26. Money is almost always the immediate solution to all problems.
27. If you have to loan some money to a friend, and there’s a big chance he won’t be able to pay back anytime soon,
give him a fraction of what he asks and consider it paid.
28. To avoid compounding loan interests, pay a fraction of principal then pro-rate.
29. Having a hard time saying no to relatives asking for money? Refer them to your spouse instead.
30. 10% of earnings should go to your savings.
31. Give more to receive more. Tithe.
32. Just how much to spend for tips? Double the tax!
33. If you don’t like your present job, quit. That will motivate you to find the job you really like.
34. In making major decisions(career choice), ask yourself first: Does it make “CENTS”?
C -Contribution
E – Excellence
N – Natural ability
T – Turn on
S – Spirit leading
35. 1/7 of your life is spent on Tuesday. Live deliberately.
36. Focus is the key to success. Master one formula at a time.
37. Prayer works! (Make a checklist of answered prayers)
38. Put a bible and a dictionary in the restroom.
39. To have a worry-free sleep, write down your problems, set them aside for the night,
you can go over them first thing in the morning.
40. Do the bulk of your work in the morning when your energy is still up.
41. Never leave home without PMILK
P – Phone
M – Milk
I – Identification
L – Lip gloss
K – Key
42. Flossing is good practice. Tedious yes, but a flash of that close-up smile in the mirror and you’ll instantly be reminded why you should do it.
43. Exfoliation does wonders to your aura. You don’t have to be fair, as long as you have clear, radiant skin.
44. Milk is a good detox agent.
45. On fashion: Quality over quantity. Fitting over fad.
46. Shoes are a girl’s best friend. They bring you to nice places.
And no matter how fat you become, shoes will always look good on your feet.
47. The best time to shop for shoes is in the afternoon when the feet have expanded to their largest size from a day’s walking.
48. Internet is a great equalizer. Make the most of it.
49. In choosing a mate, go for a guy with the same values as yours so he’ll know what he has when he has you.
50. Two reasons I stick with a person: 1)he’s interesting, I could learn from him ; 2) He respects me, I feel he could learn from me.
51. For harmonious relationship, always have an extra pair of everything for the neighbors.
52. Never assume. Dare to ask. But be ready to accept their answer.
53. Hand questions: Who, what, when, where, why (5 fingers), how (palm).
54. If asked about your weakness. Camouflage your strength as a weakness.
55. Capitalize on your audience’s attentiveness. End by repeating the single most important point.
56. Before criticizing, throw in three times more compliment first.
57. Brisk walking is a good way to control your temper. Increase your pace as if you could outdistance your anger.
58. It is therapeutic to move things around.
59. Put a dictionary in the CR. Enrich your vocab while on the throne.
60. Under-promise, over-deliver.

Things I Wish Mom Told Me Before I Turned 25 (Part 3)

Relational Skills:
61. Information is power. Avoid premature confrontation.
62. Choose your battles – small enough to win but big enough to matter.
63. Never run from a fight but never start one.
64. Just because you deserve it doesn’t mean that they’ll hand it to you freely.
Sometimes you have to take what you deserve.
65. Fighting temptations make you strong.
66. Don’t defend God as if he were someone weak.
67. Sometimes silence is the best response.
68. Words are powerful. Be prudent with what comes out of your mouth.
69. If you can’t talk anything appropriate you should restrict yourself to the
weather.
70. Lying and telling the truth are not the same.
71. Not everything is about you. What he does or says is not because of you,
but is just a projection of his reality, not necessarily the truth.
We perceive things not for what they are, but for what we are.
72. Always register what a guy says not what he does.
In his mind, he’s already spelled out his point, so he doesn’t view his actions
as being misleading.
73. What makes a man sexy? Conversations.
74. The best way to a man’s heart is still through his stomach.
75. Every woman needs affirmation once in a while.
76. Never interrupt when someone compliments you.
77. Pick your best feature, play it up with a little makeup and lots of attitude.
78. Only use physical appearances when you can’t find anything nice to say about
what is inside a person.
79. In math, you don’t question the given, otherwise you come up with the wrong
answer. In life, why is it so hard to accept the traits you were born with or
the circumstances you were born into?
80. Whatever issues you have, bear in mind that there are bigger problems in the
world – children are starving in Ethiopia, boys as young as 9 carry guns twice
their body size and engage in military warfare in Sierra Leone.
81. The first 10 formative years are the most impressionable in a child’s life. Deal
with caution.
82. Don’t be a prisoner of your past. It would be like travelling to your
destination with your head turned backwards
thus missing the magnificent view ahead (not to mention a major stiff neck!).
83. I know you’re gonna make mistakes, the only thing I ask is for you to let me
help you learn from them.
84. The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
85. When a new window opens up, it doesn’t always appear as a new opportunity.
Sometimes what it offers is a fresh perspective for looking at things.
86. The more you understand people, the less you are hurt.
Fear of the unknown is eliminated if you know where it’s coming from.
Replace fear with understanding.
87. Friends are important. True character is not developed in isolation.
88. Be nice to your siblings, they’re your best link to your past.
89. People value their own genius and preferences and enjoy being with others who
validate their choices.
90. It is not enough that you know how to work with people below you, you should
also learn how to deal with people above you.
91. The more important people become, the less important they think rules re.
92. Mind your own business. The man who rows the boat seldom has time to rock it.
93. Always do your best. Full effort is full victory.
94. Lead into people’s strengths.
95. Delegate. Many hands make light work.
96. If you can’t command, then you must obey.
97. 3 Japanese powers: sword (strength), jewel (money), mirror (self-knowledge)
98. Literature adds a new dimension to life.
99. Read much, discuss much, ponder most, write a little.
100. Your greatest power is prayer. Your greatest asset is time.
Your greatest need is love.

Protected: Choosing Destiny

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Pick Season

HERE ——>>
LOOKING for the right PEBBLE
to throw into the ocean.

(The idea is to find the right piece that will make the most number of ripples by jumping through the water surface)

THERE
|
V

Looking for the right MATE applies the same principle.
You don’t just pick any pebble that is within your grasp.
It has to have the right SHAPE, size, weight, and even texture.
So you go through each pebble,
as much as your time and patience would allow,
reaching first for those that appeal to your sight -
porous white, smooth black, or lean brown.

You try each on your palm,
wary of those that are coarse on the surface.
They may appear unstained and innocent
But at first scratch will draw raw blood – yours.
A little more squeeze if you would
Just to make sure they won’t break under pressure.
And if you’re lucky, you’ll find just the right pebble
to give you that ripple, that giggle.
You decide it’s a keeper.
You let it become a part of you,
Warm it inside your pocket – until it’s time to go.

You head to the ocean. For the PITCH.
Here comes the tricky part:
Muscle control (more like SELF-RESTRAINT actually).

You pitch too strong, too high, too soon -
the pebble nosedives into the water, never to be seen again.
But with the right angle (means keep your nose where it belongs),
the right elevation (means don’t boss him around, don’t be a doormat either),
and just the right amount of force (need I elaborate on this?)
you can reasonably expect to see your pebble resurface,
and glide through the water,
one jump after another after another.
Voila! Ripples you get.

…EVERYWHERE…

However, the TRUE RIPPLE effect was
when other people saw the pebble jumping away
while you were cheering it on to go a mile further.
For they too will realize
that LETTING GO is not about losing
something precious or someone dear.
Be it the pebble you’ve learned to trust and love
despite its cold and unfeeling nature.
Or a seven-year romance gone bad
That you thought was solid like a pebble,
Until one day it turned into just that:
cold, unfeeling and pleading to be set free into the ocean, like the pebble.

But no – letting go is not losing to the ocean.
It is not drowning in the waves of forgetfulness
For the ebb to draw away the pain.
Rather, it is HOPING that someday,
when the season is right,
the tide will bring back YOUR pebble ashore,
and that luck may guide you one more time
where to walk..
where to look…
and which to pick.

(N.B.: But we can only hope…
As they say, RULES CHANGE AT SEA.)

The Love Equation

The bible says love does not keep a record of wrong. It does not count.
But the book of common observation says otherwise.
Love multiplies when expressed.
It divides when shared.
It adds when nurtured and diminishes when taken for granted.

The equation in love is this: Love begets love. You give love, you get love. You give more, you get more.
Simple and easy to follow.
Then the unthinkable happened.
The infinity number was introduced in the equation, and love became a complicated problem
reserved only for the open-minded and the big-hearted.

If God had a profession, he must have been a mathematician.
His command “love your enemy” can be translated in mathematical terms as: c/o = ∞.
In plain English, if you have a constant number divided by zero you get infinity (not zero).
When you give love to others and you get nothing back, your love becomes infinite.
Instead of draining you out, loving unconditionally gives you the capacity to love over and over again without waiting for recognition or reciprocation.

God has raised the bar.
Anyone, even a convict, can love someone who loves him back.
But it takes someone strong and compassionate to love someone who hates him,
to show his best even if he’s beat.
So always be ready for a test, because this God can do math.

GARGLE

A poem I wrote about one-night stand…

Gargle
Feb. 15, 2008 (Fri)
Early morning

The morning after
A one night encounter
How does one feel?
This is the real deal

Random scenes
In playback mode
A lure to remember
Last night’s philander

Guilty as hell
Bent on anger
A life wasted
A heart cheated

Mirror, mirror
Look me in the eye
Am I the fairest still?
You have sight but can you feel?

Rock-a-bye
Put guilt back to sleep
That was one night only
Or is it?

Escape for Broken Hearts

Every adult human has experienced heartache at one point in their life.

There are hundreds of possible scenarios that could lead to break-up moments,
but the escape routes are not as varied.
The more common ones are the following:

1) The fire exit which involves confronting the person who caused the heartache (the ex or the third party);

2) The back stage pass which means bowing out from the scene off to hinterlands away from the spectator crowd ; and

3) The Houdini way, the idea of which is to make the heartache disappear with the help, of course, of a lay-up girl or boy.

I’ve tried all three (I’m not proud of it).
But each of them led me to the same realization.
It is this: That being strong doesn’t always mean barging into the battle zone
with a battalion of bitter feelings and an arsenal of curse words to hurl at the enemy.
Sometimes it takes more courage to admit to oneself that some things are just not meant to be.
That things like this happen for a reason.
What that is, we may not know just yet.
But that shouldn’t stop us from moving on and getting better.
Breaking free from the pain is imperative, and it must be now,
Getting answers and understanding the reason can wait.

In my case, I preoccupied myself during my downtime
by doing stuffs that helped me rediscover my self, what made me happy,
what I’ve always wanted to do then but didn’t have the time before (what with the ex haggling my social calendar) -
from little things like learning Latin, trying wall climbing, or taking up violin lessons,
to more serious activities like baking, creative writing, and making peace with God.

In the end, the only minute you waste is the time you blame yourself, other people, or God.
I still don’t know until now why each of my past relationships had failed,
but I’ve accomplished more things in the span of 3 months trying to move on
than 3 years of being in a relationship,
and that’s a long stretch of time I can never take back.
The quickest way out for broken hearts, I’ve realized,
is not so quick at all.

Escape, for broken hearts, is like a rickity train squeezing through a long, dark tunnel.
It may involve blowing horns and hooting outbursts just before it enters the black hole,
but it will move forward because there is no other way out but through.
That is enough to keep the train going –
for the light always wins over darkness,
at tunnel’s end.

Love (in)Justice

2 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days.
That is the length of time we’ve been together as friends and lovers.
Not counting of course, the not insignificant number of “on” and “off” episodes we had especially during our first year.
But thanks to pardon, we have the legal presumption in our favor.
The law presumes the non-interruption of possession over property unjustly lost but legally recovered.
Following the same line of reasoning, love presumes the non-interruption of relationships unceremoniously ended but amiably reconciled.

2 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days.
That would fall under prision correcional minimum, if we view it as the duration of time we served sentence.
Considering the frequent misunderstandings and the petty quarrels we had over little things, we might as well consider our being together as self-inflicted injury.
But you handled the situation better than i did, which I’d like to think is excusable since i am a first-time offender while you are a repeat offender (translate: a person who was in a previous relationship).

2 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days.
That is also the time that passed before this realization hit me.
I am Yin and you are Yang. I am Yin, female, soft, receptive, dark, empty.
You are Yang, male, illuminating, firm, creative, constructive.
There is a delicate balance between these forces that must be maintained to put order in everything.
If we are in harmony, everything looks beautiful, peace and love prevails.
Imbalance brings sleepless nights, mental anguish, and sufferings.
Lady Justice aptly used the balance to symbolize justice – to represent the equalization of forces.

Lady Love and Lady Justice share this mark: they are both “blind” to the ways of the world.
The Patroness of justice has blindfolded herself to avoid seeing
who is on the one side of the scale and who is in the other;
to shield her judgment from being swayed to favor the rich or to pity the poor.
In the same way that the Goddess of Love refuses to see with her eyes,
but only with her heart.
Only the heart can unravel what is invisible to the eyes.
While the eyes may see luster and physical endowments,
the heart can weigh a person’s inner qualities,
it can penetrate through the layers of a person’s character.
So don’t wonder if someone tells you “Magaan ang loob ko sa’yo”.
Only the heart can measure another heart.
In choosing its mate, it picks the one whose rhythm is in accord with its own.

I am no Confucius. But it doesn’t require his mind to recognize that ours is love – hearts beating in a rhythm as old as time. Balance in its purest form.
So take my hand, let us dance and celebrate life together. Yin and Yang. You and I.

With Lady Love as my witness, here’s to praying that Lady justice may render judgment thiswise:
Reclusion perpetua in brazos y bezos.
(Life imprisonment in each other’s hugs and kisses).

(P.S. I received a copy of the decision 4 months after I wrote this.
The verdict? Petition DENIED. Yuppidee, we broke up.)